Dreams of the Future

Ever since I can remember I always looked forward. From the time I was five years old I knew I wanted to get married one day, I wanted to have babies and I wanted to be a stay at home mom. As I grew older and got into high school those dreams didn't change, I always saw myself as a mom. I did however start having other dreams, I saw myself in front of large crowds of people, I saw myself going all over the world. I saw myself writing books and changing the world. I loved thinking about the future I saw so much promise.

Some dreams came true. I got married, we had a baby, and now we have another one on the way. I will even get to travel the world with the love of my life. I noticed something today, I never think about the future anymore, I live day to day just trying to get through. When I look into the future I see nothing, I don't even know where I will be in 2 years from now. I don't know how many children I will have. I get scared thinking about my kids growing up, I worry I won't know what to do. That is why I don't think about it, I live every day happy that I'm in it. I am thankful for every laugh Michael gives me, I'm thankful for every special smile my husband smiles. I cherish every "I love you" spoken from the man of my dreams. I love my life.

My life has changed, I no longer dream about the future, because the future seems to much for me to handle, deployments, growing children and cross country moves. I don't dream much anymore, and I was worried for awhile, until I realized, I am living my dream. My little boy and my husband and this new baby inside me; This is my dream. This is my life. This is what I live for. This is what makes me happy! Life isn't a fairy tale, things can get hard, but as long as I have my family and God's love I am living the life I always dreamed about!

Me Time!

Michael is down for the night, and Zack has a test tomorrow so he went to bed a hour ago, which means I have a few hours to myself! It's so quiet around here when everyone is in bed. It's a good break, this allows me to do whatever I want. Crazy thing is, I choose facebook over anything else.

I am trying to go through my friends and delete people I either don't remember who they are, or have only met maybe once in my life and will probably never see again. I'm only to the "H" in my list. I'm also trying to delete the military pages I joined because of random drama. I thought I was leaving the drama behind when I graduated high school, but I suppose as long as there are girls in the world there will be drama.

Some of the pages are really supportive, but it only takes a few girls to make it go downhill. I am trying to figure out which ones I want to stay apart of and that are actually helpful, which a lot are. Then delete the ones I could do without. I have too many friends on facebook. Since Zack joined the Navy I've added so many military wives, that I can't remember who is who, so it is time for some to go. If I've never talked to them then I probably don't need to be friends with them on facebook.

Thankfully I haven't ran into any real life drama yet. All the women I have met are mature adults. Close enough to adults anyway. I'm hoping it stays that way and I never have to get dragged into the middle of gossip and back stabbing. I suppose if I choose my friends carefully and try not to be a drama queen myself I probably can do a pretty good job of avoiding it.

I'm trying to think what else I've been up to lately. Random thoughts are flooding my head right now and I'm trying not to jump all over the place. I just finished the 4th season of Army Wives. I don't know if I can take anymore, it's so sad! Although it makes me really happy for the time I get to spend with my husband. One thing I noticed on Army Wives is that they always, always just walk over to each others houses and a lot of the time let themselves in their friends house, or just come over without calling first. I was wondering how often that really happens.

I walk over to peoples houses, but only if I call first. There are very few times anyone actually drops in. Maybe I don't have that close of friends, but it seemed kind of weird to me. I was wondering how realistic it actually is. Just one of my deep thoughts.

Watching Army Wives has however made me so glad my husband is in the Navy. I don't know how the Army wives do it. I know I'll face a 6months to year deployment at some point in the next few years, and sometimes I wonder if he will come home because I know anything can go wrong, but Army wives, and anyone else who's husband is actually fighting, that would be the most terrifying thing in the world. I know my husband will be pretty safe being on a ship, or sub and I'm so grateful he decided to join the Navy instead of any of the other branches.

These are my thoughts for tonight. I will continue to purge my friends on facebook, and I will be thankful that my husband is sleeping under the same roof as I am tonight! <3

My Life Right Now

I was going to write about basic training but I haven't felt in the mood to put myself through those emotions again, so when I have one of those days when I'm remembering, I'll write it all down. Right now I'm living in Goose Creek, SC. My husband started his second school a month ago. The dreaded Power School. It's actually not that bad. His A school was worse. He was always stressed out and T-track was so unpredictable that I was finally glad when that was over.

I finally feel like I have some stability in my life again. Zack has Power school, Monday-Friday. He's the PT leader so he gets up at 5:00am most morning. I wake up around 9:00am with Michael, Zack comes home for about 30 minutes at lunch and then depending on if he studies right after school or not he either gets home at 4:30pm and goes back into school around 6:00 and stays until 8:00 or 9:00pm or stays and is there until 6:00 or 7:00pm. Michael is down for bed at 9:00pm and we go to bed around 11:00pm. He usually has the weekends off, sometimes he studies but it just depends.

I am keeping myself busy with my little man, who is almost walking now. He does the cutest things. The other day Zack was telling him to go "Mwah ah ah ah ah" doing an evil laugh and Michael in a high pitched voice would repeat "ah ah ah ah then giggle" He's making all sorts of babies noises that adorable. He keeps me busy most the time.

I have also taken up cleaning and cooking. Both which were very foreign to me. The cooking is coming alone better than the cleaning. This week I am actually making dinner every night. I haven't burnt anything yet and everything has been amazing so far. My husband is eating it so I'm guessing that mean success! The cleaning on the other hand the kitchen and the living area have been pretty clean the past week, but Michael's room, our room and the guest room are messes still. I am working my way there though.

I feel like I need to get out more. I go to a breastfeeding group with some women once a week, which is great!  We sit around and talk about babies, weight we've gained or lost, pregnancy and our husbands. I also go on walks with a couple of girls sometimes in the evening when it's cool out. My child has been throwing fits at night so I've been going earlier in the day. 

I've thought about starting something at my house, that way I can get to know more girls here on base and it will help me keep the house clean. I really love living here in South Carolina. Sometimes I do get a little homesick, I miss my best friend a lot and I can't wait to see her at Christmas, but all in all I have a good time here. I'm making friends, not as fast as I would like to, but at least I know if I need something there are wives around me that would be happy to help.

Right now I'm very happy where I am, I'm not looking towards the future too much, and I'm not thinking about the past either. I love my family and the people that are in my life. I'm very happy with the Navy life, at least for now. We'll see when it comes to deployments if I like the Navy anymore. Right now though, life is good. I'm learning new things, meeting new people and loving my life! <3

Being A Navy Wife

Bio:

My name is Abigail, or Abi. I'm 19 and I'm new to being a Navy Wife. I grew up in Norman, Oklahoma and was homeschooled my entire life. I am a Christian, although I won't lie I struggle with my beliefs just like anyone else does. There are times my walk with God is good and there are times when it's not so good. I just pray that my relationship with Him stays strong in this new adventure. My husband is in the Nuke program and we have a 7 month old son. He just finished A school and is about to class up for Power school. I am starting this blog in hopes that from reading this you can either understand the military/Navy better or you can find encouragement from this.

Joining the Navy

Being a Navy Wife is obviously not the easiest job in the world, but I wouldn't say it was the hardest job in the world either. My husband Zack went to basic training January 7th, 2011. I am very new to this, but as every wife knows becoming a Navy Wife doesn't start at basic training, it starts as soon as they sign the paper saying they are joining. You become set aside from everyone else and are now a part of the military. You go through emotions that not everyone deals with. Your old friends suddenly don't understand you as much anymore and you seek out friendships online trying to find other women who know how you think and feel.

Everyone's reasons for joining the military is different, but once in we are all in the same boat, or ship should I say. First there is the process of deciding the Navy, or any other branch of the military is right for you. I remember going to the recruiting office with my then fiance. We drove up and sat in the car for over 10 minutes. My heart was racing because I knew in my heart that this is what we were going to end up doing. Neither one of us knew what we wanted to do in life, but Zack and I knew we wanted to be together for the rest of our lives and have a family.

When we finally got up the courage to enter the office we sat down with a man in his late twenties and Zack told him he didn't know what he wanted to do so he decided to check out the Navy. I honestly don't remember much of what happened that day, except Zack took the ASVAB and made a 99. When the recruiter saw that he jumped on it and told us that Zack should join the Nuclear program. I remember thinking how dangerous that sounded. After talking to my husband and walking out of there my fiance was sure that's what he wanted to do.

It made more since to get married before signing any papers so we go married that Friday, a very small wedding, a few family members and a few close friends. That day was insane. We got married, ate lunch, got rid of my dog, went to sign papers with the Navy, I went to work that night, then moved stuff into our new apartment. I was emotionally drained. I cried that night thinking about basic training and deployments. And it would be almost a year before he was even officially a Sailor.

DEP

March 5th, 2010 our wedding day and the day we gave our lives over to the Navy. My husband worked a job at fast food restaurant, and I worked retail. We had some money in savings so we hoped and prayed that that would hold us over until December 7th, 2010 his ship date for basic training.

Soon after signing the papers Zack went up to MEPS to do the physical and see if he qualified to be in the Navy. He was gone overnight, and from what he said was a very boring process of tests. He passed almost everything. They also told them not to get pregnant. Once he got back his recruiter then told him he had to come into the office every Monday and Thursday evening to do PT (physical training) and study. This was very frustrating to us, we were both working and he wasn't getting paid to do this, but he had to or else they told him he wouldn't be going to basic training.

Our life in the Navy had started. My husband and I were both homeschooled, so he had to get a waiver for being in the Nuke program. Which was no big deal, they got it through. Then a month after he signed everything the Nuke program stopped accepting waivers, so we were very blessed to be able to have joined when we did.

DEP wasn't horrible, it was what happened in our marriage that made things more exciting. Two months after we got married, I found out that I was pregnant. And our due date was December 27th, 2010.  Zack was supposed to leave December 7th, 2010. That is when the emotional roller coaster began. We were both very excited about our baby, but I was very scared at the same time. I did not want to go through the birth of our first baby while he was gone.

We continued to live life, we both went to work although I had to cut back my hours because of the pregnancy and I didn't feel well all the time.  Zack continued to go the DEP meetings and getting in shape, and we started planning for our baby boy. We asked to have our ship date changed, but they said more than likely they wouldn't be able to change our ship date.

Days, weeks, months flew by, my crazy pregnancy emotions were getting the best of me. I felt very depressed. Part of it was because my husband was going to miss the birth of our son and part was because I was pregnant and I would have felt that way anyway. The closer December got the less I was excited about our baby. I didn't feel like I had any friends who understood. I was 18, married, pregnant and in the military. I felt out of place and alone.

Two months before Christmas my husband came home late from work. He looked sad, he put both hands on my shoulders and asked "Are you excited about Christmas?" I just looked at him like he was an idiot. "No, because you aren't going to be here." I almost started crying. He looked deeply into my eyes and said "Yes, I will be." I stood there awhile trying to process what he just said then a huge smile broke across his face and he said "I just signed the papers saying I will leave for basic training January 7th." I never screamed so loud, I jumped (as well as a pregnant woman can jump) and hugged him and cried and smiled. I was so excited!

I quit my job at the beginning of November because I could barely work a four hour shift. We just barely made it until he left for basic training. On December 27th, 2010 we had a beautiful baby boy. 7lbs and 15oz. We named him Michael. I am so blessed that my husband was able to make it to the birth and they were able to change his ship date. The only thing that made DEP hard was thinking the whole time my husband wasn't going to be there for the birth. Otherwise it would have been fine. Zack working out twice a week was frustrating at times, but we got used to it and it became a part of our life. 

Leaving For Basic Training

Michael was 10 days old when my husband left. We went to the recruiting office and we hugged for so long, we cried, he held Michael one last time and held me tight. I whispered to him how proud I was of him and he broke down. I was proud of him, I was so proud that my man was going to go through basic training to provide for our little family. That he was willing to leave so we could be taken care of.

I cried for awhile after he left. He called me several times from the hotel that night and talked to me for hours. He called me from the airport every change he got. Every time I got off the phone with him I broke down and cried. The last call I got was when he arrived at basic training. He called two days later and told me that he hadn't slept since he'd been on the plane and that everyone was yelling at them and he missed me and loved him and he loved Michael and told me to give him a kiss. That was the last I heard from him, for the next three weeks.